Funny Bumper Stickers

I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.

Baby philosophy: If it stinks, change it.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Department of Redundancy Department.

Few women admit their age: Fewer men act it.

It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!

HELP! The paranoids are after me!

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Don't like my driving?
Call (800) EAT-SHIT

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Aunty Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

If the president is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

When you pull the pin on Mr. Grenade he is no longer your friend.

I souport publik edekashun.

I'm naked from the waist down.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Bush and Gore make me want to Ralph.

Horn not working - watch for finger.

This is not an abandoned vehicle.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

All generalizations are false.

Get your fingers out of my hair, I know what I'm doing.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

If it's too loud, you're too old.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

I'm only speeding because I have to poop really bad.

Is there life before coffee?

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Illiterate? Call 1-800-READ2ME for help.

If you can read this, I am going to brake!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Flying saucers are real, it's the Air Force that doesn't exist.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

Clinton doesn't inhale... he just sucks!

Always remember to pillage before you burn.

I'm a blonde, what's your excuse?

If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Caution: I drive like you do.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Lord save me from your followers.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Smile... you're mom was pro-life.

My other car is a piece of shit too.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

I can see clearly now, my brain is gone...

When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS.)

There's one in every crowd and they always find me.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

I go from zero to horny in six beers

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Hey, you! Out of the gene pool!

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I is a college student.

Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.

My kid beat up your honor student!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Save California: when you leave take someone with you.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Donate Blood: Play Rugby.

Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

I don't suffer insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

So many pedestrians, so little time.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it!

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

My other wife is beautiful.

Bosses are like diapers, they are always on your ass and usually full of shit.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Let's all make fun of the nature nazis.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

Don't get too close, this car has gas.

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

I don't want the whole world, just your half.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Lawyer: a cat who settles disputes between mice.

Don't let your mind wander, its not big enough to be left alone.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Law of Probbility Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Dain bramaged.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Taxation withrepresentation isn't so hot, either.